was a time in recent American history when certain Soviet jokes didn't
work in translation - not so much because of the language differences,
but because of the lack of common sociopolitical context. But that is
changing. As President Obama is preparing us for a great leap towards
collectivism, I find myself recollecting forgotten political jokes I
shared with comrades while living in the old country under Brezhnev,
Andropov, and Gorbachev. (I was too young to remember the Khrushchev
times, but I remember the Khrushchev jokes.) I also noticed that the
further America "advances" back to the Soviet model, the more
translatable the old Soviet jokes become. ~
Not all Soviet advancements have metastasized here yet, but we have four more glorious years to make it happen.
One of my favorite political jokes is this:
The six dialectical contradictions of socialism in the USSR:
There is full employment - yet no one is working.
No one is working - yet the factory quotas are fulfilled.
The factory quotas are fulfilled - yet the stores have nothing to sell.
The stores have nothing to sell - yet people got all the stuff at home.
People got all the stuff at home - yet everyone is complaining.
Everyone is complaining - yet the voting is always unanimous.
Then I moved to America, where wild and crazy opposites of capitalism
were supposedly at their worst.
America is capitalist and greedy - yet half of the population is subsidized.
Half of the population is subsidized - yet they think they are victims.
They think they are victims - yet their representatives run the government.
Their representatives run the government - yet the poor keep getting poorer.
The poor keep getting poorer - yet they have things that people in other countries only dream about.
They have things that people in other countries only dream about - yet they want America to be more like those other countries.
Without capitalism there'd be no Hollywood - yet filmmakers hate capitalism.
Filmmakers hate capitalism - yet they sue for unauthorized copying of their movies.
They sue for unauthorized copying - yet on screen they teach us to share.
On screen they teach us to share - yet they keep their millions to themselves.
They keep their millions to themselves - yet they revel in stories of American misery and depravity.
They revel in stories of American misery and depravity - yet they blame the resulting anti-American sentiment on conservatism.
blame the anti-American sentiment on conservatism - yet conservatism
ensures the continuation of a system that makes Hollywood possible.
Liberals believe they're advancing people's power - yet they don't believe people can do anything right without their guidance.
People can't do anything right - yet the government bureaucracy can do everything.
The government bureaucracy can do everything - yet liberals don't like it when the government takes control of their lives.
don't like it when the government takes control of their lives - yet
they vote for programs that increase people's dependency on the
They vote for programs that increase people's dependency on the government - yet they believe they're advancing people's power.
Bush and the media:
The media said Bush was dumb - yet he won over two intelligent Democrats.
He won over two intelligent Democrats - yet the media said his ratings were hopeless.
The media said his ratings were hopeless - yet the 2004 electoral map was red.
The 2004 electoral map was red - yet the media said his policies failed.
The media said his policies failed - yet the economy grew and the war was won.
The economy grew and the war was won - yet the media said we needed "change."
Liberals have been in charge of education for 50 years - yet education is out of control.
Education is out of control - yet liberal teaching methods prevail.
Liberal teaching methods prevail - yet public schools are failing.
Public schools are failing - yet their funding keeps growing.
Their funding keeps growing - yet public schools are always underfunded.
President Barack Obama waves and learns the door on Marine One is much shorter than he is, and bumps his head slightly, after denying claims that the stimulus bill contains a $3.7B earmark for protective headgear.
CHICAGO - The ongoing corruption probe into
Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich took a dramatic turn this evening, as
federal agents working for US Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald announced
that they had seized the governor's eBay account. It is as yet unknown
how the latest seizure will effect the outcome of the case.
IOWAHAWK EXCLUSIVE! RUSH UPDATE!
Leaked documents from latest sealed federal indictment (click to embiggen)
Youse guys jus' have to laugh to keep from cryin'.