Superior Carbon Neutral Humans Discovered
Deep in the thickest forest of the Amazon region of Brazil, scientists have discovered a small commune that is completely carbon neutral.
"It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen" said noted greenologist Dr Kermit Goretree. "They produce no carbon emissions of any kind, their love of the planet is complete. At first we thought they were just hippies, but they were much too clean and the whole village is devoid of volkswagens and lavalamps".
Goretree went on excitedly, "They are totally committed to the earth, we registered the entire village as a 0.000002 on the pollutometer. That's a lower Co2 rating than the flatulence of a typical field mouse. We believe that all their foods are organic, possibly vegan, but there's just not enough evidence to confirm that at this time. They are definitely off grid, as far as we know none of them even has an email address".
The tribe has apparently put a ban on all guns. "They are probably pacifists. There were no signs of military might. There are no flags on even street names, it's just like they listened to John Lennon's Imagine and really got it, y'know?"
Some scientists are skeptical however, claiming that no such tribe exists.
But Goretree quickly dismisses such claims. "That's why we did the flyovers. We filled the greenocopter full of grassoline and snapped some photos. It's indisputable proof. They welcomed us in their special carbon neutral way by shooting arrows at us, which we believe are symbolic of cupids arrows, for a people who so love the planet must also love us too."
Goretree is looks forward to a future similar to the what he's seen in the rainforest. "There's a lot we can learn from these people, how do they prepare food and heat their homes without creating Co2? Are they willing to teach us their advanced methods? If so, what will be the cost?"
Working with officials in the UN, Goretree is attempting to put together a global tax in order to extract this vital, cleaner, technology.
"It's the only way we are going to be able to get it done, to make the world carbon neutral, is to implement a tax. When you look at the tribe, you see no rich people there. I think it's safe to say that none of them are capitalists, and certainly no republicans!"
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